WHAT DO YOU TEACH YOUR KIDS ABOUT FAILURE? HOW DO YOU RESPOND WHEN THEY FAIL? WHEN THEY FAIL, NOT IF THEY FAIL.
I WANT MY CHILDREN TO KNOW THAT WHEN THEY FAIL, I WILL FORGIVE THEM, I WILL NOT REJECT THEM, AND I WILL HELP THEM RECOVER.
WHILE AS PARENTS WE CHALLENGE OUR CHILDREN TO LIVE HIGH STANDARDS, IT MUST BE BALANCED WITH THE EXPLICIT UNDERSTANDING THAT WHEN THEY FAIL, ALL IS NOT LOST. AFTER ALL, WE’VE ALL BEEN THERE TOO. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT, SO WHY SHOULD WE BE SHOCKED WHEN OUR CHILDREN FALL?
I am a firm believer in the fact that there is no such thing as failure, only an opportunity to do better next time. This is something that I have done everything possible to instill in my children since they were in the womb. Even with my best efforts we have still run into times when our children have had a fear of failure. I know this is something that most children experience, and it is our job as parents to help them overcome this fear.
Many times that is easier said than done. Let's face it, there isn't a person in the world that sets out to accomplish something and throws a party when things don't goes as they wanted or planned. For children though, the very thought of not being able to succeed is enough to stop them from trying at all. So how then, as a parent, do you help them break free of their fear and take a risk to see what they can achieve?
No parent wants to see their child stumble along in life. No parent wants to see their child fail. Much like a coach on a sports team, parents sometimes will watch their child go along in life and, having the advantage of watching from the sidelines, see the mistakes they are making and what consequences lie ahead. We want to rush in and guide them in the way they should do. The difficulty is letting your child go headlong into that mistake as they attempt to spread their wings and fly.
I, being a parent myself, have had a hugely difficult time with watching my kids experience life for themselves with all the mistakes included. I want to protect them. I want to rush in and head them off at the pass before they take another step to dive off of the cliffs of life.
To help make it easier on you and your children here are a couple of tips:
1.Redefine Failure In our house we live by this motto, "If you learned something from it then you did not fail." As far as I am concerned there hasn't been a situation yet that you can't learn from. You can apply this motto to anything from riding a bike, to climbing a tree to auditioning for a part in a school play. Think about it, if your child knows that success is seen as gaining experience and helping them move towards their ultimate goal they will be more encouraged to try new things.
2.The Only Way to Fail is to Not Try Secondly, your child needs to know that they only way to fail at anything is to not try. They don't have to be the best; they just have to try their best. There is a big difference there. We have high expectations on our children. We all want our children to succeed, but what is your definition of success? If for you success means being the best and then when your child tries and doesn't measure up and you come down on them where is their motivation to try again, to be better, or worse to try anything new ever again. Encourage your child to do their best that is all they can do.
I have referenced it time and time again, the Disney movie, "Meet the Robinsons". That movie has a great message for everyone, regardless of age. This is, failing is another opportunity to succeed. Each time you "fail" you learned something, discovered something new. You now have the opportunity to take what you have learned and apply it towards what you want to achieve. There is a seen in that movie, where they are sitting down to dinner and they celebrate the day's "failures" and what they learned from each situation.
3.Share with Your Child/Children Another tip is to share with your children times where you have failed, and what you did to overcome that failure or what you learned from that failure. Depending on the age of your child it can be an eye opening time for them. Younger children like to think that their parents are these incredible beings that can leap tall buildings and take on every bad guy in the world. So hearing that you have not always been able to "beat every monster" you have come up against but that you never gave up, you did your best and tried again will help them see that they can try to.
Remember You Were a Child Once
You were once their age, no matter how long ago that was try to think back to how you felt at that age. For as wonderful as childhood is, it also has its far share of stresses and demands. Don't put adult expectations on them.
4.Finally, Don't Live Through Your Child You may not realize that this is a tip to help them overcome fear of failure, but sometimes trying to be mom or dad is exactly what our children do. So, if they don't believe that they can do something as good as mom or dad would do it, they won't do it so that they don't disappoint you. Encourage them to try, you never know, they may do it better then you.
These are lessons that they need to learn on their own. No matter how difficult it is to watch. I have been learning to accept this both as a dad and a life coach. While I wish every bit of wisdom I give to my children is heeded and taken to heart, I know that it is in their mistakes and failures that they will eventually get the point. I also remind myself that I did/do not always take heed to wisdom given to me the first time it is given. At the same time, nagging a child with wisdom can actually harm your relationship more than helping them to gain any ground.
So, I can --and will-- be there for them when they fall and/or call for help. Even if they don't ask for help in time of need, I can still support them just by letting them know I am there if they need me. In all of this I cannot chastise
INPIRATIONAL WORDS FROM THE BIBLE
We All Fall Down
Everybody fails from time to time. No one you know is perfect, and almost everyone can outline at least a few failures. God understands and prepares us for it in Proverbs 24:16. We are not perfect, even in our faith, and God wants us to understand and accept that.
Proverbs 24:16 - "Even if good people fall seven times, they will get back up. But when trouble strikes the wicked, that's the end of them." (CEV)
God Lifts Us Back Up
God knows we're going to fail every once in a while. Yet, He also stands by us and helps us get back on our feet. Is it easy to accept failure? No. Can it make us depressed and feel down? Yes. Yet, God is there to help us work through our anger and disappointment.
Psalm 40:2-3 - "and pulled me from a lonely pit full of mud and mire. You let me stand on a rock with my feet firm, and you gave me a new song, a song of praise to you. Many will see this, and they will honor and trust you, the LORD God." (CEV)
God Wants Us to Correct Ourselves
So, God helps us back up, but does that mean we dwell on the failure or repeat the same behaviors? No. God wants us to acknowledge our shortcomings and work to better ourselves. Sometimes that means moving on to something else we can do better. Sometimes it means giving ourselves more practice. Other times it means being patient for things to work themselves out.
Jeremiah 8:4-5 - "The LORD said: People of Jerusalem, when you stumble and fall, you get back up, and if you take a wrong road, you turn around and go back. So why do you refuse to come back to me? Why do you hold so tightly to your false gods?" (CEV
TO MY KIDS I LOVE YOU ALL
GODBLESS US.....
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